The Art of Prank Warfare
by peaceofmindalchemist
Summary: It all started with a prank. Just one, harmless little prank, played on the Colonel out of boredom. No one could have ever guessed that the outcome. A full out war of pranks and practical jokes in which everyone will some how end up involved. No Yaoi!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This idea has been bothering me to the point where I've been losing sleep, so I had to write it down. Enjoy. Oh, by the way, all pranks in this story are based off things that actually happened at school during the epic "Prank War" that my English and Science teacher had. My school being as crack as it is, it was just a normal thing for us.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA, but the ideas for these pranks are all mine.**

* * *

"_What_ did you say?" Alphonse Elric, having recently been returned to his flesh body, stared at his brother.

"I told you, Al," the older, yet shorter, boy said irritably, "I need your help getting into Mustang's window."

Alphonse blinked. Once. Twice. Three times.

"May I ask why?" He said, almost afraid to hear the answer.

"Well," Ed began, "As I'm sure you are aware, Colonel Mustang is a bastard."

Al rolled his eyes, but didn't interrupt.

"And so," Edward continued, "I plan to sneak into his office, hide behind his desk, and jump out and scare him when he comes in! Great plan, huh?"

Alphonse sighed. "Let me point out a few problems. First, what would that accomplish? Second, don't you have a key to the Colonel's office? And third, what if you spook him too bad and he sets you on fire?"

"Those are easy to answer! As for the first one, it'll be fun! He might cry or even pee his pants! Secondly, I did but I lost it. Besides, climbing in through the window is more fun! And lastly, he won't! Look!" Ed held up a pair of white gloves with a red transmutation circle on the backs. "I stole his gloves!" He announced triumphantly.

"Doesn't he have like a million pair?" Alphonse asked, still not convinced.

Edward gave his brother a blank expression.

There was a long silence between them, broken by the older Elric.

"So you'll do it, right?" He asked, grinning at his brother.

Alphonse sighed again.

_He's gonna do it with or without me and it does sound like fun…._

"Yeah, I'm in."

* * *

The two brothers arrived outside the Eastern Headquarters building, Al dressed in his normal T-shirt and blue jeans, Ed in all black and wearing a ski mask.

"You don't have to wear that," Alphonse told his brother, for perhaps the millionth time.

"Sure I do!" Ed exclaimed, "In this, I'm invisible!"

"Brother…its daylight outside."

Edward shrugged.

"Eh, it just seemed to go with the idea, actually," He admitted, "Plus it looks really cool!"

Alphonse rolled his eyes again and peeked through a window, standing on his tiptoes.

"This is it," he announced, "It's empty, too."

"Good," Edward said, grinning, "Give me a boost."

Al didn't dare point out the fact that the window was quite close to the ground for fear that his brother would accuse him of calling him short. Instead, he cupped his hands together, letting his older brother put a foot in them.

Edward lifted up the window and proceeded to lift himself in, but not before losing his boot, which nearly hit Al on the head.

"Get that for me, Al!" Edward called down in a harsh whisper.

Alphonse simply nodded and picked up the boot.

Grabbing the window sill, he hoisted himself through and landed next to his brother inside with a _'bang.'_

"Shh!" Edward said accusingly, "We have to be quiet!"

"Sorry," Alphonse muttered sheepishly.

A key turned in the lock.

"Hide!" Whispered Ed, dodging behind Roy's desk.

Al glanced around the room and dodged underneath a large table where Roy's subordinates spent their days sitting and signing paperwork.

The doorknob turned and Roy Mustang walked into his office, taking off his jacket and hanging it on a hook. Glancing over at Roy's desk, Alphonse saw that his brother was out of sight and grinned.

_This is gonna be fun…_

Roy walked over to his desk, but before he could sit down, out jumped Edward.

"Rawr!" He yelled, flailing his arms in the air.

"Aaah!" Roy jumped back, quickly snapping his fingers at the 'threat', but of course nothing happened, considering he wasn't wearing his gloves.

Edward fell to the ground laughing as Roy scowled at him.

"Fullmetal," Roy muttered irritably, "I understand you just can't wait to see me in the mornings, but please, try to avoid waiting for me at my desk before my morning cup of coffee."

Edward laughed harder, ignoring Roy.

"You shoulda seen your face! You were all 'Ah!' I wish I had it on camera!"

Roy scowled.

"I'll get you back for that," He muttered, sitting down at his desk.

"Sure you will," Edward said, standing up.

"Why, that sounds like a challenge," Roy said with a smirk.

Edward grinned.

"It is."

Roy chuckled.

"Just remember, Fullmetal, you asked for it."

* * *

**A/N: Well, what do you think? I hope I at least made you smile a little bit. Review?**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: HAPPY NEW YEAR! 2010, already?**

**Oh God, this prank. My Science teacher did this to us to get back at my English teacher for climbing through his window and almost making him wet himself. I was in Ed's shoes, and oh the memories this brings. *Shudders* Enough rambling, enjoy the chapter.**

**A special thanks to all of you who reviewed, favorited, and alerted this story.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA…:[**

* * *

The silence that filled the room was almost scary. Even though there were six people in the office, you could hear a pen drop.

Although, since everyone was too afraid to drop their pens, you couldn't hear that, either.

Riza stood up and walked to the front desk where the Colonel pretended to do his paperwork.

"Excuse me, Sir," She said, saluting him. Glad to have an excuse to put his pen down, he looked up at her.

"Yes, Lieutenant?" He asked in a rather bored voice.

"May I be excused, Sir?"

He nodded and she left the room.

The door closed and, for a moment, the silence remained. It was soon broken.

"So, what's our plan?" Havoc asked, approaching the Colonel's desk along with the other three men.

Roy smirked and muttered something so low that only those surrounding his desk could hear. Four pairs of eyes widened considerably, and Havoc patted Breda sympathetically on the back.

"Well, buddy," He said with a sigh, "You're doomed."

* * *

Edward stood in the large room, watching some ridiculous presentation from some new recruit about the riot in Liore. He sighed heavily.

_Wonder what's for lunch in the cafeteria?_ He thought, licking his lips.

The door to the room slammed open and a figure stood, silhouetted by the light coming from outside. Before Ed could get a good look, though, the figure stepped inside, letting the door close behind him.

Edward broke into a cold sweat. He was afraid.

_Could it be one of the homunculi come to kill me?_ He wondered, scanning the room for the figure. Unfortunately, the room was too dark to make anything out, and that stupid, ignorant new recruit just kept on talking about statistics and all that crap.

Someone grabbed Ed from behind and he screamed, making the recruit run toward the light switch.

When the lights flipped on, Edward found himself locked in the tight grip of Second Lieutenant Heymans Breda.

"Get…in…my…BELLY!" The man yelled wildly, dropping Ed and falling to the floor laughing.

Ed glared at him.

"WHAT THE HELL, BREDA?!?!" He exploded angrily, "YOU SCARED THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF ME!"

Breda grinned.

"Hey," He said, "I got a message for you from the Colonel."

Edward scowled, realizing suddenly that the Colonel.

"Let's hear it, then," Edward growled.

"'Go change your pants, Fullmetal,'" Breda said, imitating Roy by deepening his voice, "Didn't I warn you I'd get back at you?'"

Edward scowled.

"Alright, that's it," He growled, walking off in the direction of Roy's office.

Upon arriving, he slammed the door open, breaking the silence in the room. Everyone looked up at him.

"What is it, Edward?" Lieutenant Hawkeye asked, raising her eyebrow.

"Yes, Fullmetal," The Colonel said with a smirk, "Whatever do you need?"

Havoc snickered.

Edward angrily stomped up to Roy's desk.

"You know damn well why I'm here!" He screamed.

Glancing at Riza, Roy shrugged.

"I do?"

Edward glared at him.

"YES! YOU DO!"

Roy blinked.

"Are you sure?" He asked, smirking slightly.

Edward grabbed his collar.

"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU TRYING TO DO, GIVE ME A HEART ATTACK?!?!?" He exploded, even louder than one of his signature short rants.

Roy grinned mischievously.

"In my defense, you did start it."

Edward glared harder.

"Oh, yeah? Well it's on, now, Bastard. I'm gonna get you back so good you won't know what hit you."

Roy chuckled.

"I'd like to see you try."

Those words began perhaps the most violent war in history.

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**A/N: See? Now you know why this was so scary when it happened. Review?**


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